No really...I work from home.

As if being a corporate slave is not enough, I recently decided to take on a side job to help bring home the turkey bacon. That's right, your favorite non blogging blogger has  two jobs during the recession- stunting truly is a habit, you should get like me. Now in addition to slanging cell phones, I do freelance writing for the entertainment section of rolling out magazine. While having two jobs and thus twice the responsibilities is stressful at times, I figure nothing but good will come from my current anti autonomous state. I have decided to compile a list ( because I like lists) of all the great things that are sure to be accomplished by me being doubly employed. Here goes. 

5.  I make more money so there is officially no excuse for me and Maleah neglecting to pay our $30.00 cable bill. 

4. I no longer have to cite this blog as my only writing experience. Someone ( God bless your heart DeWayne) trusts me enough to put my sh*t in print. Now- if only I can keep him from knowing that I am the mother of all procrastinators, everything will be all good. 

3. I have yet another excuse why I never update this blog. I know I only have a few fans (Anna, Maleah, Paris) but those that love me, love me hard. No homo. Well sorry to say fans, but I am going to have to continue to treat this blog like boyfriend #2. To quote and pay homage to the singing career of Vanessa Williams " I've got work to do... I've got [2]  job[s] baby."

2.  I make more money so there is officially no excuse for me and Maleah neglecting to pay our $30.00 cable bill. 

1. I have yet another thing to distract me from the apparent male recession going on in Atlanta. There is a drought going on in chocolate city and I don't like it one bit. However until I can find a man that doesn't wear skinnier skinnies than me, I might have to take up jobs #3, 4 and 5. 

Upgrade U

Anyone who knows me will be the first to tell  you, I hate to admit when I am wrong. Yes, I am that mofo that will argue a point until my opponent is so confused they eventually agree with me. So imagine my internal struggle when I had to admit that I didn't hate Kim Kardashian... when I had to admit that in fact, I kind of like her. Now, now- be kind and let me rewind. There is no denying that Kim K is banging, but her sex tape with a certain Willie Ray Norwood left a stain on my heart and a bad taste in my mouth (and hers). He is Brandy's baby brother for Pete's sake- Brandy herself is only 1/2 famous and, while I'm no mathematician, I'm pretty sure that once you carry the 10 and move the decimal this makes him negative celebrity. Point is Kim had no shame in her game with Ray Ray (I am sure only the closest of friends call him that) and so I had no respect for her. Until now. 

Homegirl is a total upgrade. A reality TV show with two sisters that I hate to love and a beautiful...(cough...clear throat...adjust collar) did I say BEAUTIFUL fiance- she is winning. The recent March 2009 GQ spread featuring Kim and her beau only solidified this newfound like for her that I was desperately trying to deny. They are a hot couple, so hot in fact that I have already started my Christmas list for next year and at the top it says "Santa, can I be them?" Maybe my hopes are a little too high, but hey- wishful thinking never hurt nanbody. 

Swagger on a hundred, thousand...nothing?

When someone asks a deep, philosophical question I usually try my best to reflect and consider all possible responses before answering. So when my dear friend Amelia asked "Why doesn't Kanye West just get some pu-nani instead of wearing it on his head?" I took my time and thought about it. In fact I thought about it a lot and still, no answer. I queried family and friends. I shook a magic eight ball. I even considered converting from my nothingism to Buddhism to try and find enlightenment but that, I figured, was a bit much. It seemed I would live in the dark, uninformed and unsatisfied about this one forever. Until it came to me. That's right ladies and gents, I had an aha moment. Kanye West is a black man with a mullet because he is certified cray cray. The answer was so simple and apparent I had been overlooking it all along. I know dude has been through a lot this year, but talk about wearing your emotions on  your sleeve (and your head). Somebody who loves him needs to have an emergency intervention and I mean yesterday. I love you Yeezy but the hair, the emo album and the faux Michael Jackson garb all combined? A girl can only take so much. 

A Letter from the Editor: to my Fan(s)

Ok so maybe I don't have multiple fans quite yet...maybe ( just maybe) I only have one real fan. Maybe his name is Paris Kirk. Like all ambitious writers, when I started blogging last summer I had major plans to post something at least three times a week. I figured hey, I have no job and an opinion about everything this should be easy right? Wrong. Since I have moved to Atlanta I have treated my blog like a red headed step child. Seeing that red hair among blacks is rare and usually only occurs in those mixed kids that make you think something mixed wrong, this is especially bad. Because I don't have the money ( and possibly not the talent) for a publicist just yet, I figured it is only appropriate that I issue a letter of apology to my fan(s) for my negligence. So here goes:

Paris...um..err... I mean Everyone, 

Thank you for all your support. You mean the world to me, and I mean that in the most Toni Braxton way possible. If it weren't for you reading, the fact that I think I am a writer would be less true than it already is. Other than Maleah none of you are biologically obligated to read anything that I write- and for that I am thankful. (Paris) Please forgive me, from now I blog rain, sleet or shine.

I'm back ( for real for real) and this time I am doing it for my fans (cough Paris). Just keep in mind that I'm and artist...and I'm sensitive about my sh*t. Enjoy!